The Modern Food TV Show – Chef Trolling

Here are some of the things you need to do in order to have a hip and trendy new ‘food show’…

• Make sure to talk extremely loud even though modern technology allows you to speak at a normal decibel level. Demand peoples attention.  (Thanks Billy Mays)
• You need to walk around, drive, or take public transportation when traveling to your destination.  Make sure your camera man films you all jerky-like and off center.
• Make fun of your guest or patrons allowing your ego to shine through to your audience.  You know how to cook their food better than them anyway.
• Always make weird, loud noises when eating food.  Take gargantuan bites and allow food to drip down your arm.  Everything you eat is always the best ever!
• Use descriptive words that don’t actually describe what you are eating.  ‘This is an extremely flavorful, super-awesome dish! It is bomb-diggity, monster-delicious, yum-yum food which will make you happy.’ (So what does it taste like?)
• Let your audience know what the secret ingredients are to spoil the suspense.
• Dip your unwashed hands into all of the items being prepared…sneezing would be better.
• Interview all of the patrons who are most likely to give you a standard boring response. (This place is the best in town!)
• Never discuss the long hours, hard work, low income, and failure rate of restaurants.  Your makeup person will hide the bags under the chefs eyes, and paint a smile on their face.
• If someone isn’t as outgoing as you, make them feel uncomfortable.
• If your guest doesn’t have a happy, sad, or funny backstory…don’t have them on the show.
• Wear inappropriate clothing in the kitchen, such as excess jewelry, flip-flops, baggy cloths, and unbuttoned shirts.  Bring sexy back as well.
• Don’t ever show anyone cleaning anything.
• If it is not farm to table, it can’t possibly be good.

Does anyone else have any shenanigans to add???